Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Sleep and Me

sleep and me

My laptop tells me it's 5:43am. It's getting light outside, cars are starting to go past more frequently and I can hear birds singing. The world's waking up and, as always, I'm in my usual state of exhausted-but-staying-awake-anyway. A 5/6am bed time and 1/2pm wake up time has been my normal now for a few years; once or twice a month, too, I'll stay up all night "to sort out my pattern", only to ruin it again not 48 hours later.

I still can't work out what it is that keeps me up at night when it's not insomnia. Am I putting off tomorrow's responsibilities? Is it my love of the night time or my need to be alone a lot? Is it bad habits, a bad routine? Maybe my brain has started associating night time with creativity, with a productive brain, or perhaps that's wishful thinking and I'm simply too lazy to move to bed. Maybe it's more that I'm addicted to scrolling aimlessly through my Twitter feed or watching trashy YouTube videos, or I guess it could be that I'm dreading waking up, worrying about the state of my mind and mood in the morning.

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