Thursday, 15 December 2016

41 Things I Worry About Daily

Push For Prosecco Button: 41 Daily Worries
Last year I read this post by one of my favourite word-users, Natalie Wall, on 43 things she worries about on a daily basis. I tweeted her, well over a year ago now, asking if she would mind me using the idea because it was too relatable and perfect not to. Fast forward 18 months and I'm finally re-visiting the draft to finish and post it*. Hopefully soon I won't have to start each blog post with some kind of explanation or apology for my being inconsistent and terrible at blogging, but, whatever.

*I was employed when I started this post and I'm leaving in the ~office stuff~ because it's probably hopefully gonna be relevant again one day and, man, did I nod along at my own words when I first re-read my draft.

Whether due to my anxiety or due to just... being who I am, on a daily basis I worry about:
  1. Whether my colleagues have noticed how much I'm going to the bathroom today. Do they think I have a problem? I'm drinking a lot of water, okay? It's hot. I don't have an infection or something.
  2. How much I've (not) been blogging. 
  3. Walking publicly, particularly in front of people who are sitting i.e. entering the cinema. Oh look someone is about to walk past me so naturally I am no longer capable of moving like a normal person.
  4. What will happen to my laptop when I die. Like, what if I die tomorrow and somebody leaks everything on there, screenshots, selfies and all?
  5. My cats dying. Because one day they will and I will be broken and sometimes cats get run over and that's really sad and I hope it never happens to my cats.
  6. Whether everyone can tell my hair is too clean and won't fall right and keeps getting in my face and is doing my nut in. Or...
  7. Whether my Batiste is as visible as it is claggy and gross. Is it even doing its job or just making me look grey?
  8. Whether I have a double chin at this angle. Usually I do.
  9. Everyone else, all the t ime. Empathy's a bitch; no tension or emotion gets past me unnoticed and that is QUITE the burden.
  10. How much I touch my face - dermatillomania, holla - which leads nicely onto...
  11. Spots. That are always present. On my 25-year-old face. Why?
  12. The last thing I said out loud that is now echoing in my head because nobody's spoken since. 
  13. The fact that I might honestly, really, truly never find love. It happens and it MIGHT happen to me so don't say "it won't" your reassurance is futile and also not grounded on actual fact.
  14. Drinking enough water. It's 3pm and I've only drank 500ml... am I noticeably less 'glowy'?
  15. The hidden meanings that probably (almost definitely) don't apply, ever. I know that person said [X] but what if she was Regina George-ing me and actually they mean something entirely different?
  16. Whether I'm going to regret the 249812857867 hours spent watching Netflix or scrolling through Twitter/Instagram/whatever.
  17. How quickly I liked that Instagram after it was posted.
  18. Why I get SO hot. Is it a disease I don't know about? People go undiagnosed with stuff for years, don't they? Related:
  19. Whether I'll arrive at [place] sweating like a maniac. What if everyone notices?
  20. Whether I'm getting a headache. Usually I am.
  21. Whether I'm getting a cold. Usually I am.
  22. Forgetting to put on perfume. DO I SMELL. 
  23. That this car might just crash. Like, right now, just crash. It happens. Might die.
  24. Why I've eaten so much today. Am I mysteriously pregnant? Is it diabetes?
  25. Why I've barely eaten today.
  26. What am I going to do about money? Like, in general, but really. What am I going to do career-wise? What if I never figure out what to "do with my life"? Will I ever find a way to earn enough money to live comfortably? Will anyone ever hire me?
  27. Why [friend] hasn't replied... are they okay? Are they angry? What did I do, should I apologise? ARE THEY DEAD? Did I just make my friend's death about me?
  28. What's going to jump out at me when I walk upstairs.
  29. Whether that black thing that just caught my eye is a spider.
  30. Whether I'll make it on time (I never make it on time).
  31. How my mouth looks when I talk.
  32. How much I'm talking.
  33. Why do I have [ailment]? Maybe I'm [X] intolerant?
  34. Whether I sent that email to the right person.
  35. Whether people will see the tweet I just favourited and think I'm a loser.
  36. Whether people will see the blogger chat I'm taking part in and think I'm a loser.
  37. Whether people will see anything ever on social media or anywhere else ever and think I'm a loser.
  38. Whether I'm going to be able to ascend/descend these public stairs without messing it up.
  39. Why that person outside my window is crying/screaming. Are they just drunk or are they being attacked? Should I call the police or just continue my futile staring-outside-into-the-darkness bit?
  40. Whether I've accidentally eaten animal products at any stage today.
  41. What people are going to think about this list. Will they start noticing things I'm insecure about? What if that makes me more insecure about them? Lol, me.

And, you guys, I could go on. Just me?

Please tell me about some of your neuroses so I don't feel so alone in this.

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